Try the Elevator, Idiot

HEY IDIOT! I was the guy at the airport the other day that came sprinting up behind you as you got on the long escalator. (My idiot cab driver decided to pick me up 25 minutes late, so I was running a little short on time and trying to catch my flight.)

Thanks for dragging that monstrous bag onto the escalator and completely blocking passage. And thanks for standing there with that idiot look on your face as the line of people waiting to get to the concourse stacked up behind you.

The kicker was that the elevator was near the bottom of the escalator. You could have dragged your bag onto that. It would have been perfect for someone like you; oblivious to the world around you and obviously in no rush.

Hey Idiot! Shop for grocieries much?

Hey Idiot! Yeah I'm talking to you, the Idiot in front of me at the check out line at the Cub Foods on York Avenue on March 15 between 3:30 and 3:50.

Hey Idiot! Use your brain much? Did you ever stop to think that maybe it's not such a great idea to let the cashier scan all 50 of your items through the register before deciding what you actually want to purchase and what you don't want... In case you didn't know, you'll spend LESS time in line when you decide what you want to buy before throwing half of the grocery store's inventory into your cart and hauling it to the check out line. It takes MORE time for the cashier to rescan your returns. HEY IDIOT!

Hey Idiot! Guess what? I did NOT enjoy watching you trying to decide what you really wanted to buy and what you didn't once you got to the front of the line and the cashier started ringing up your purchase. And I certainly wasn't amused with your two Hey Idiot friends who couldn't help you decide whether or not to buy the brie.. or the cashews... or the pink or blue toothbrush. What good are two Idiot friends if they can't help you decide whether to buy the brie?

Hey Idiot! When you're being an Idiot, try not to drag the rest of us down with you. Keep your idiocy to yourself. The poor cashier dealing with you was attempting to communicate with you, but alas, she didn't speak Idiot. And of course her cash register froze up and she had to call over the manager. And of course the poor manager must have been on the other side of the store, because it took her forever to get there. Thanks, Idiot, for making me wait even longer.

Hey Idiot! When you decide that there are a few items left in your cart that you don't want, please just leave the items in the cart, push the cart out of the way, and leave the items to be restocked by a store employee. Don't worry, somebody will take care of it for you. You don't need to hand the 20 unpurchased items one ... by ... one back to the manager.

Hey Idiot! After all this, and when the price of your meat doesn't ring up, just skip the meat! Buy the cashews instead! Cashews ring up just fine. I know, because I just watched the cashier scan them, then unscan them. Wait ... no ... please don't demand that you the cashier contacts the meat department for a price check on the meat... oh, you didn't just say that...

Hey Idiot! Look up the meaning of 'credit' and 'debit' so that when the cashier asks you if you'll use your card to pay with credit or debit, you don't have to reply, "Well, I'd like to just push this button here and then it's ok." WHAT???? Are you kidding me?

Hey Idiot! When you've already sucked the sweet time of all of these poor innocent souls in line behind you, please do not ask the cashier to ring up a separate amount on a separate receipt. Oh wait, you just did that too.

And finally, HEY IDIOT! Don't say to me after keeping the rest of us in line for so long, "Sorry, I should have warned you that I was going to do that." JUST DON'T DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Don't Be an Idiot

We are brothers, Big Guy and Little Guy, amused - sometimes enraged - by the stupid things that stupid people do.

Idiocy can not be ignored. This blog is devoted to calling out the idiots. We will expose them wherever they may be found. Our one guiding principle is that our posts are only about our own personal experiences.

Please, oh please, don't become the subject of this blog, lest you hear us roar, "HEY, IDIOT!"